There are a lot (like, a whole lot) of comic book/movie/novel super powers out there and when I was asked to do a Top Ten list for Workaday Reads, I thought, “Oh, picking ten of those would be super easy.” And then I realized that the way I approached this list wasn’t just “Top Ten Super Powers” it was “Top Ten Super Powers I Would Want To Have In My Current Life/Reality As It Stands Right Now” so don’t take this list too seriously. If the world were actually populated by super humans and villains (as it is in Awesome Jones) this list may have gone down a little differently. As it is, I’m mostly just looking for a way to skip the boring parts of life.
10. Sound Manipulation
I’m really sensitive (read: a huge baby) when it comes to sound. Too-loud restaurants, too-loud bars, too-loud rooms in general are a thing I can’t really handle. I get completely overwhelmed and my heart races and I feel like I’m going to explode. Yeah. I guess “loud stuff” is my kryptonite. The power of sound manipulation actually has a lot of applications but as I write this, a squirrel had the audacity to walk around in a tree and it freaked out my neighbor’s yappy, yard-dwelling terriers and they haven’t shut up for an hour so the best possible thing I can currently think of is being able to walk over there (or into any room) and just say, “Quiet.” And it is.
9. Super Strength (Hulk, baby!)
Do you know how many times I’ve moved and how many books I have? This isn’t hypothetical. The respective answers are 35 and ~1,500. That is ridiculous. If I were possessed of Wonder Woman strength, moving would take like an hour. (PS- if you move a lot and have a ton of books, invest in a kindle. It’ll make you feel like Superman/Hermione when you toss 200+ books into your purse at once)
8. Non-specific Animal Mimicry (Beast Boy)
Alright, this is something I’ve wished for since I was a kid and I just can’t let it go. From the time I was about 4 until I was about 10, I took every “wish upon a star” opportunity to wish that I could turn into a panther. I would be stealthy, strong, vicious, intimidating, and sleek. Basically, everything I wasn’t in real life. As a kid, a panther was enough. As an adult, I realize that, really, the ability to turn into any animal is where it’s at.
7. Super Speed (The Flash)
Not a lot of explanation to this one. Who doesn’t want to run crazy fast and have an amped up metabolism? I could visit my mom across the country then pound a box of Cheez-Its and I’d be right as rain.
6. Weather Manipulation (Storm)
I grew up in Southern Appalachia. That means every summer is about 900 degrees with 2000% humidity. We didn’t live in a single place that had A/C. And, you know what? I miss it. I now live in Southern California (pretty much Paradise, according to everyone) and it’s sunny and 75-80 just about every single day and breezy and cool at night. But you know what I crave? Thunderstorms. I haven’t heard a single clap of thunder or seen a single rainbow the entire time I’ve lived out here. Also, my skin is super dry. If I could control the weather, I would selfishly cover my house with a dark cloud and let it rip every other day.
5. Telekinesis (Jean Grey)
Not gonna lie. I would mostly use this for bringing myself snacks from the kitchen and floating myself the remote control. But, if I were so inclined, I could also levitate myself (which basically means I could fly) and other things/people. The net result here could be pretty spectacular. Like, when I have to drive into the city, I could just float my car above the 405.
4. Time Manipulation (Zoom)
This is something I struggle with in a real way. Not enough time. Not enough time for any of the stuff I want to do. Not just today, but for all of life. I’d love to be able to stop time and work on everything I’d like to get done, watch all the TV shows I can’t get around to, read all the books I’ve got piled up, take all the naps, go to the grocery store while time is stopped and skip to the front of the line. Yeah, I’d use my superpowers for groceries.
3. Super-healing/Regenerative Abilities (Wolverine)
If I’m being extra-responsible, I feel like this is the way to go. I’d never get sick or hurt and I’d practically live forever. Of course, it would really suck when everyone around me would inevitably drop like flies. Still–no yearly sinus infection. That’s pretty rad.
2. Teleportation (Nightcrawler)
I know Flight is one of the powers everyone always cites as “most wanted” but I’d way rather have Teleportation. I’m not afraid of heights exactly. But I do get dizzy when I look into empty space. For this reason, I feel like I’d be the worst flyer ever. But, I love to travel and don’t get to do much of it. If I could zap myself across the globe in a snap, I’d have breakfast, lunch, and dinner in different, exotic locales and still be home to sleep in my own bed. This is honestly my #1 power but if I had…
1. Control of the Mystic Arts (Dr. Fate, Zatanna)
I could whip up my own teleportation spell like it was nothing. Same goes for basically every single thing on this list. Super strength? Oh here, let me just say some long-forgotten, mystical words. Oh, your leg fell off? I’ll just stick it back on with a wave of my hand. You wanna go around in the form of sugar glider all day? Got that covered. You want sushi for breakfast? I’ll just grab my spellbook and zap us to Tokyo in two seconds. Also, I could do a killer magic show for my baby brother’s birthday party. It’s win-win.
Awesome Jones by AshleyRose Sullivan
Published by Seventh Star Press on Mar 10, 2014
Genres: Adult, Fantasy
Find the book: Amazon, Goodreads
The only thing Awesome Jones wants is to be a super hero. Until he falls in love.
Despite his colorful name, Awesome Jones is a painfully average man who dreams of being a super hero, just like the ones who patrol his city. It's been that way since he was a little boy, raised by his grandfather after his parents' death.
The day Jones starts his new job as a file clerk at Akai Printing Company he meets secretary Lona Chang and everything changes. Lona sees something in Jones that no one ever has and the two quickly become inseparable. But when the perfect pair's domestic bliss is threatened by a super-powered secret from the past, Awesome Jones has to make a choice. He must decide whether he should play it safe or find the strength to live up to his name and risk everything he's come to love to save the day like he always dreamed.